


Tonight

by mayham



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cliche, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3934030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayham/pseuds/mayham
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Sirius and Remus get together fic. The day after Remus' transformation. He has a discussion and fight with Sirius in the hospital wing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> This is a super cliche, fluffy fic. I just had to get it out of my head. Rated T for language. All rights belong to JK Rowling. I don't own anything

He wasn’t sure who was inhabiting his body. The wolf was present in his head, angry and unsated, there had been no blood satisfaction. His chest and arms felt tight. Pulled taut in multiple directions by gashes and dried blood. Energy was tingling at his fingertips; the magic celebrating in the reunion with the wizard. The power could be tamed again by the human master.

Like the young man, the magic enjoyed confinement. Pure freedom was frightening, too out of control. Remus (ah yes, that’s what this spirit bouncing within his body was called) sat up slowly, acclimating to flesh, limbs, and consciousness. Until he had proof, he had to take it on faith that this pale, gangly thing was his again.

His friends thought the transformation was the worst part. And yeah, it hurt (god did it hurt) but coming back was harder. He had to reconcile the blood lust with his normalcy. The wolf wanted frightening things, Remus simply wanted to finally brew that damn draught of living death correctly.

Normal human interaction would probably help. It would remind him he was a teenager who had friends ( _he_ had friends), who liked to laugh, and who read books. But the others had to run back to the dorm before dawn, before Pomfrey arrived. Remus had to relearn himself alone. Of course, he never was the same Remus after a transformation; there were new scars and new bits of himself that had been lost to the wolf (someday maybe he wouldn’t come back at all – his essence would break apart and sink, leaving nothing behind but instinct. Animal instinct).

A noise startled him and for a long ridiculous moment Remus was in a tense crouch, ready to spring (to attack). It was only Madam Pomfrey. Of course it was only Pomfrey. People didn’t often attack useless teen boys (werewolves) hiding in dilapidated shacks – at least they didn’t in peace time. With a war just off the horizon maybe that would change. And all he would do to defend himself was curl into a ball. Bloody useless. Pomfrey stuck her head around the corner with a sympathetic cluck before Remus could draw his scattered thoughts back and force them to align.

 

* * *

 

The familiarity of the hospital wing made Remus feel steadier. Here, things happened as expected. Pomfrey fussed and poured vile potions down his throat with pity in her eyes. Remus accepted the potions as his penitence and reminded himself Pomfrey was a kind woman, she didn’t mean anything cruel by her pity. Then Lupin was left alone and commanded to rest.

Next his friends would show up and place themselves within easy reach. Remus could always feel himself solidifying in their presence. He was always overwhelmed with gratitude the morning after a full moon. The gratitude warred with the anxiety and guilt, the quiet voice that always whispered _what if._ Remus knew he should care more about the safety of his friends, should try harder to push them away, but when they arrived in the hospital wing with their arms full of snacks nicked from the kitchen his resolve disappeared. _One more month, what’s the harm?_

Today was different. James and Peter barged in, bearing the usual pilfered food and already engaged in a lively conversation. Remus smiled at their antics and struggled to sit up, wincing at the pain in his ribs. Everything seemed as usual. But there was no Sirius.

Sirius was usually the first to arrive. He’d perch himself on the edge of the hospital bed, look Remus over, then ask how Pomfrey was going to know when Moony could leave the hospital wing since he always looked this awful, and really Moony, you should start an exercise routine, spending days locked up with books does nothing for you. Remus would return with something witty about brain over brawn and a debate would take place until Prongs and Wormtail showed up. If Remus was lucky, his banter would diminish some of the concern in Sirius’ eyes.

But today, no Sirius

“Where’s Padfoot?” Remus asked, breaking into the argument James and Peter were having about who had the best pair of legs in Gryffindor.

“He’s sleeping. Useless berk. Like the rest of us aren’t tired” answered Peter.

James, oddly, didn’t look at Remus.

“Sleeping? Did I-? Was it? Bad?” Remus felt panic.

“Oh, no. You were fine. He was just—tired.” James said with an air of nonchalance.

Remus wasn’t sure. He felt a bit more beat up today than usual. Maybe he’d done a number on his friends too.

“Don’t fuss Moony. Gads, you’re as dramatic as a _girl_. Next thing we know you’re going to be crying because we like somebody better than you.”

Remus rolled his eyes at James, who still wasn’t quite looking at him. Prongs and Wormtail seemed okay though. Maybe he was being _fussy_. And James always was odd.

“Anyway, I think I’ve finally figured out our next plan for the Slytherins. Sticking charms to their zippers! Imagine the desperation! I wager we’ll see at least three distinguished heirs in their skivvies tomorrow” James continued, the glee of a potential prank had him gesticulating wildly and puffing out his chest.

“Just so long as we don’t have to see Snape’s bloody underwear – some things you only need to see once. And you’ve forced it on us at least four times. Reckon he’s harboring some secret desires, Moony?” Peter said.

 Remus sat back as James crowed indignantly and tried to allow the other boys’ antics to entertain him. But Sirius wasn’t here.

* * *

 

Late that night, after the warmth from his friends’ visit had worn off, Remus was left with little else to do but obsess. _Or sleep_ , niggled a voice that sounded suspiciously like James at his most caring. And most obnoxious because with Potter, there wasn’t one without the other. _Tosser_ , Remus thought fondly. Sleep was soundly out of reach however, due in part to his injuries, so obsess it was.

Why didn’t Sirius show up? Was he really just tired? Was he hurt? Did he not want to see Remus? Come to think of it, Sirius’ behavior had been odd for a while now. He either mostly ignored Remus or paid inordinate amounts of attention to him. Sirius had even followed him into the library and sat contentedly in silence while Remus worked. There had to be a connection. Remus felt as though he was being incredibly dense. Maybe Remus had done something…

The door to the hospital wing swung open, but he didn’t see anyone come in. James then.

“What are you doing here, Prongs? Didn’t get your fill of my charm earlier?”

“James wouldn’t recognize charm if it hexed him to sing love songs every time he saw McGonagall,” Sirius said, pulling the cloak from his body. “He’s still chasing Evans after all. And she threatened to curse his bits off.”

“Didn’t _you_ hex him to sing love songs when he saw McGonagall?”

“See, I know charming. I’m a Black” Sirius answered with a smile.

“What are you doing here, Sirius?” Remus asked

The confidence drained out of Sirius and his grin fell. “Oh, uh, I was… Thought you might be asleep.”

“Far be it from you to visit if I’m awake then. How trying for you, I’m conscious.” Remus jabbed, feeling disproportionately angry at Sirius for the earlier skipped visit and the current subterfuge now that he saw Sirius was fine.

“Moony, don’t be like that. God, you’re making a big deal out of nothing.” Sirius bit back, stomping over to stand at the side of Remus’ bed.

“Yes, well as James already pointed out, I’m just overly dramatic. Guess that means that anything I think or feel can be ignored and chalked up to ‘Remus’ instability and dramatic nature’”.

“Remus, what are you even talking about? I just wanted to check on you. Why are you being crazy?”

He didn’t really know why he was so mad. Maybe it was because he’d spent all last night not being human and all of today not _feeling_ human. And Sirius wasn’t there to tell him it was okay. Sirius wasn’t there to make him laugh, to make him blush, to return him to his human body.

Sirius was _always_ there. And today, he wasn’t. He left Remus in purgatory by not showing. Left him a wraith, an angry soulless thing—and Sirius didn’t even know it. Perhaps that’s why he was angry. Because Sirius made him feel things Remus had no right to feel and Sirius didn’t even know.

The pathetic werewolf who waited desperately for the friend, the security, and Sirius _slept_ when Remus needed him. But by the darkness under his eyes, Sirius hadn’t slept at all.

“You weren’t there!” Shit. He hadn’t meant to say that. His denial of any type of feelings related to Sirius got so much harder when he shouted them out like an arse. Shit.

“I was studying. Didn’t James tell you? Flitwick assigned me an extra essay for botching last class so badly-”

“James said you were sleeping,” Remus interjected.

Sirius’ eyes widen and his mouth snapped shut. The boys engaged in brief bout of staring.

“Well, yeah, I told Prongs I was sleeping because he’d give me shit if he knew I was studying.”

“Sirius, just tell me what’s really going on.”

Sirius looked ready to bluster on, determination setting his chin.

“Please.” Well. Apparently, Remus wasn’t above begging. He _was_ the dramatic Marauder.

Sirius deflated. His shoulders drooped, and his head bowed.

“Moony, I… You were… It’s just hard. Okay?” Sirius told the floor.

Anger swelled in Remus’ gut. “Oh. How unkind of me. Of course it’s hard for you. I didn’t realize my… affliction was so _trying._ Too bad you put all that effort into becoming an animagus before you realized spending time with a werewolf was unpleasant.”

Sirius’ head shot up, mouth open and eyes wide. His hands were clenched. “What?! Is that what you think? That I meant I regret helping you out? How could you think that?” Sirius’ voice cracked.

Remus blinked. “Well, I… what did you mean?”

Sirius swallowed once, twice, a third time. “I hate that you’re a werewolf,” he whispered.

Remus couldn’t breathe. Was he choking? It felt like something deep inside broke off and was trying to work its way out his throat.

“Shit. Remus, let… let me finish. Shit.”

Remus’ face must have looked horrible. Sirius pushed his face close and grabbed Remus’ shoulders.

“Remus. Remus, I hate that you’re a werewolf. Not because it’s scary or there’s something wrong with it. I just hate what it does to you. You walk around all month, trying to make yourself as small and unobtrusive as possible. You act like your existence is a burden. And then during your transformation you tear yourself apart physically. Last night was more violent than usual. I knew you’d have it rough today. I just hate…hate watching anything hurt you. And I’m just useless. I-”

“I know I’m pretty hopeless. I’ve always known I’m just lucky to even be at Hogwarts. I just-” Remus cut him off, not sure he could listen to whatever else Sirius had to say.

“Shut up Remus! Shut up! I can’t stand it. Listen to me!”

Remus studied Sirius’ eyes and saw resolve suddenly take them over. Sirius shoved his lips against Remus’. _Wait, what? Was Sirius… was Sirius kissing him?_

Sirius pulled back and looked worriedly at Remus. Remus inhaled slowly, lips still slightly apart.

“Moony.”

Remus blinked.

“God, please say something.”

Remus blinked.

“Okay, slap me. Anything, Moony”

Remus swallowed. “You’re not, you, kissed?”

“No, I’m not just feeling sorry for you, yes, I like you, yes, we kissed,” Sirius answered, a tiny grin on his lips. The hands on Remus’ shoulders were shaking.

“This isn’t… I don’t…start at the beginning.”

“Well, I’m Sirius Orion Black. The worthless former heir of my noble and ancient parents. You’re Remus John Lupin. Your parents still love you. You-”

“Sirius.”

 Remus watched, fascinated, as Sirius shrunk into himself. All his showmanship disappearing with a harsh exhale.

“Look Moony. It doesn’t matter, okay? Everything can go back to how it was. I just couldn’t handle you thinking I was some scum who was acting like a wanker because you’re a bloody werewolf. Just forget it.”

“So instead you’re a wanker because you,” Remus tried to swallow, “you care about me?” Sirius scuffed his toe against the floor and his eyes followed the movement. His hands didn’t leave Remus’ shoulders.

“Dammit, Padfoot! You can’t just _kiss_ me and then not talk about it! Grow up, you pillock!” The warm hands tightened painfully on Remus’ shoulders then disappeared. Still Sirius said nothing. “I mean it, Sirius!”

“Can you even talk about it? Or are you going to stutter at me some more?” Sirius shot back.

Remus felt heat in his cheeks even as indignation overwhelmed him. “Sorry I’m so out of sorts! My mate has been a right berk for months and suddenly he kissed me! I’m sure you’d be much more eloquent after a night as a werewolf and a day-” Remus cut himself off when a laugh from Sirius startled him.

“Eloquent? Merlin, Remus. We’re bloody fighting! Trying to get me to surrender under the force of your vocabulary? Just tell me to sod off!”

“Sod off then!”

“Okay, I will!” Sirius stood firmly, chest expanding and deflating rapidly as he glared at Remus. “And I may have been a berk but it’s only because I care about you and like you and I didn’t know what to do and you and your whole ‘oh boo-hoo, woe is me’ persona is hard to swallow sometimes when all I want to do is kiss you and sometimes hug you, but in a manly way, and why are you smiling?”

Was Remus smiling? He must be. Well he was sorted into Gryffindor. He must have some courage somewhere inside. He grabbed Sirius around the wrists and pulled him a little forward.

* * *

 

Kissing Sirius was one of the most exciting things Remus had ever done. Course it hadn’t gone much beyond kissing. When things had started to get a little more heated Remus had remembered his aching ribs. His pained groan had caused Sirius to pull away and look at Remus with concern. Remus had smiled and stolen another kiss. Sirius had been more careful after that. With how thrilling kissing had been, Remus was excited about what anything greater would be like.

Now, an hour later, Sirius had scrunched himself onto the hospital bed and was hogging the blankets. Remus knew that not everything was solved. They would have to have a number of conversations in the morning. They’d have to decide what all this meant. And Remus was sure Sirius would want to have another “you’re not a monster” conversation. Remus himself was already planning the finer details of a “your parents are awful, you are a good person” talk. James and Peter would have to be told, provided Remus and Sirius started dating of course.

Yes, everything was undetermined. Having so many things up in the air would usually cause Remus a great amount of anxiety. But he felt only anticipation. Maybe the future held more than war and fear. For now, Sirius was drooling lightly on his collarbone. Remus’ lips still tingled when he looked at Sirius’ lips remembering how they had been on his. He snuggled a little closer to Sirius and blinked sleepily. Tomorrow would come, but right now, this moment, it was theirs.


End file.
